Can you please send me a face picture?
No. I believe that discretion works both ways and strive to protect privacy as much as possible.
There's a sketch of me on my website. This should give you a pretty good idea of what I look like. I do have some paper bags handy if you feel I need to wear it during our time together (I CHARGE A PREMIUM for you to also call me 'The Paper Bag Princess'), or just in case the sight of you makes me sick- I have them on stand by. I am proud to say I haven't had to use any... yet.
Are your fees inclusive?
Yes. Tips are always appreciated but never expected.
Do you offer BBBJ??
No. I do not want my lips to fall off. This does not need to take away from our time together because they are STILL attached. Choking on latex is SEXY, eye watering, ALWAYS fun and is messy in a different, safe-controlled kinda way! I haven't needed mouth to mouth yet. Please inform me if you are a choking hazard ahead of booking.
Do you have a husband or boyfriend?
No. I gave them the wrong finger in a different life time.
Do you offer BBFS??
Please forward me your T4, wifes' name, and a reference for your previous baby mommas so I can confirm when the moment of conception occurs, that I am also able to ensure our life long investment is well taken care of. I also have birthing fees on top of this.
Single? You can use your mom as a reference.
No. I do NOT offer BBFS. You will be blocked if you ask. (even if you tell me..."I'm just screening you")
all jokes aside...THE FINE BUTT BIG PRINT:
During our time together, if YOU tamper with the condom, break it, remove it or do anything that puts me at risk for a potential unwanted pregnancy and/or interfere with my health and safety which ALSO equates to affecting my income and well being; just for shits and giggles... because it feels better or ANY reason what so ever - I will use every legislative means available to me AND every section under the criminal code to ensure you are held accountable.
I will also sue you into next century, take every worldly possession you have or will ever acquire AND give it ALL away...
I will call it the Hoe Hood Do GOOD(er) project.
Let this serve as a reminder that protective gear is there to keep us ALL safe and I will NOT nor will I ever consent to unprotected sex you- under any circumstance. Govern yourself appropriately. While I am fiercely private, I do not have any secrets in my life and live transparently... which also ensures if I am ever victimized- I can and will access any and ALL resources available to me.
You do NOT want me having all your skeletons dancing around in your closet...
JUST don't... go there.
Elzora, I have herpes what do I do?:
HAVE a sexually transmitted disease? You are required to discuss this with me. I do not care if the federal government is currently challenging notification courtesy for your benefit ONLY-this will NOT be at my expense, between my legs or ears, affect my well being or safety.
I personally require open dialogue to ensure my safety and that of others. Under Elzora rule of LAW- you WILL do the right thing in our world.
For example: If you get cold sores you have an obligation as a human being to protect those around you, which includes me, during our time share. I know... I'm only just an EZ hot hoe, so why WOULD it matter? If you are hoping to engage with ME intimately... it MATTERS.
If you are currently experiencing any symptoms, it's best to schedule our time when you are not. When seeing me, letting me KNOW even if you don't have a visible cold sore is required so we can adjust our time together and IS necessary. I create a non judgmental space in time and care. However just because I UNDERSTAND, does NOT mean I want to be exposed to or potentially infected with a sexually transmitted disease. There is a DIFFERENCE.
If you have a problem with my mandatory requirements: book time with someone who lacks the care for themselves and that of others. While this health issue is prevalent, how WE choose to keep one another safe is well within our control and minimizes risk. It starts with communication.
Elzora are YOU regularly checked:
ALL of my tests are up to date. You ARE a huge risk to me, not the other way around. I take my health and safety seriously and you should too.
Can I ejaculate on your face?
NO. If you get any bodily fluids on my eye lashes you will be buying me 2 new sets at 40 dollars a piece on top of a clean up fee. In lieu of the clean up fee, you can have the option to lick it off my face. This is called the boyfriend experience...
Can I have your menu?
I don't believe we should be limiting each other to acronyms. I am not McDonalds. I am Swiss Chalet.
Can I ejaculate in your mouth?
NO. I am on a very strict diet. If you do, I will spit it in your face.
I thought you said your rates were inclusive.
Yes. My sense of humor is hard to convey at times. My rates are inclusive for the discerning gentleman who respects boundaries, values their safety, my own and doesn't limit me to a bunch of acronyms. I create an experience. I am a TRUE GFE experience, with a side of humor.
Is it TRUE you give out GOLD stars???
Yes. I reserve this badge of honor for IDIOTS.
Elzora, Miss Sun Sang...Miss SumThang...whatever ever your name is, do you have reviews?
I thought about writing one, however didn't think this would go over too well. I'm sorry to report no one has kissed and lived to tell about it.
All jokes aside, if you click on LOVE NOTES, I share gentlemen's "sentiments." I suppose some ladies really are BEST KEPT SECRETS.
It would help my business if you talk about me like the fine dining beautiful body part restaurant that I am though.
UPDATE: I have hidden well thought out, tactful review(s) in plain sight... somewhere "logical" on my website. It's hot off the press... and they are ALIVE. If you care to share your experience in a tactful, respectful manner on the 'board' without explicit details, I support doing so.
Elzora, what got you into this business?
I woke up one day and thought..."WHO do I need to fuck around here to GET PAID??? Like seriously." and then, it dawned on me. "I should lay on my back, let THEM do all the work and actually GET PAID for it."
Guys were getting paid to fuck me into next Tuesday anyways, so at least THIS WAY- the money is going TO ME. I am ALL about solutions- only every problem in the world should NOT be at my expense. Now, it isn't. If you can tell which parts were actually me being funny... I'll take twenty percent off.
You are also a Sensual/gentle Dom (GFD) Do you Peg?
HARD no. I can't deal with your shit-LITERALLY. Enough said.
What is your type?
I don't have a type. I have a price.
Do you have age restrictions?
Yes. I now only see men who are over 35 (don't like it, go file a human rights complaint. I don't care). The older you are...the better. If you have one foot in the grave, just make sure you sign over your pension, and put me in your life insurance, first. Your wife can keep the house.
Do you enjoy your new job?
Yes. My vagina doesn't have cob webs anymore and it's the only job I can tell you to go suck my big toe, you gladly do it AND still pay me...When minimum wage goes up to 17 dollars an hour- I might also be a professional stand up comedian. For right now, I am enjoying my body parts being the only marketable skill I have. I may not be the prettiest but I am easy (my new nick name is EZ) and probably one of the funniest you'll ever meet. I think that's why they call me beautiful, oh AND I like to fuck a lot.
Elzora, you are hilarious. I'm shy and might not be able to keep up with your humor...
Don't worry, this isn't fcuk for laughs. I do not put on a stand up comedy shit show. As a multi-dynamic, charismatic individual- I balance all the great qualities that make me, ME! My natural quick wit and sense of humor shine through, which usually puts others at ease but isn't the only layer I have. I do know how to adjust and shift accordingly. I am complicated, but fascinating AND funny.
WARNING: Fcukery and humor are bound to go hand in hand with me...just make sure a smile doesn't crack your face. Botox doesn't fix that.
Elzora, do you host?
Yes, I take great pride in being a high volume provider to ensure my energy is always on turbo fcuk vibe.
I host out of a UPSCALE location(s) when travelling. In YYC I offer OUTCALL only UNLESS posted otherwise.
I know you don't cum for the ambience... however, our safe, clean and discrete lair awaits for fcukery 101! I always feel 90 minutes or longer, is the perfect amount of time to explore one another and if you have met me, you know why! I have intentionally structured my rates to ensure this is feasible.
Arrange our MILFYmoment with notice! This ensure we can see one another.
Elzora, you are a safe GFE but also cater to foot fetish?
I have beautiful feet and legs for days but also have a lot more attached to my appendages which is equally enjoyable-including what is in between my ears. While our time can encompass your attention solely on my beautiful manicured feet, I define the girlfriend experience and enjoy a fully dynamic engagement which is not ever limited to any one part of my body unless that is what you want specifically. Please also remember how you take care of yourself, treat me and how you engage with me plays a role in our time as chemistry, trust, respect and other factors determine our experience. A basic suggestion? Be a gentleman. It goes a long way.
Do you do car calls Elzora?
I call these mobile crime scenes. Under no circumstance will I ever meet you in your hot wheels...there is nothing sexy about getting tangled up in the steering wheel.